First Kiss

Oh my gosh! I feel so naked typing this! It's like too intimate, more on the blushing side than on the sexy side, but I'll tell you about my first kiss, and I hope that it helps you remembering your own first kiss!

As I was telling you, I'm a shy person, so I was lucky to remain mostly anonymous through Primary School.  I say mostly because as much as I wanted to remain anonymous I also wanted to please my teachers and parents, so I was a good student, and that sometimes put everybody's eyes on you.  Besides that, I had few friends, mostly out of school, and I'd smile to everybody, tried to be friendly with every soul. But mostly I was happy being ignored.

That's until IT happend.  School received an invitation to a ball tournament, and even though I had barely played, they put me in the team.  It was a pretty bad team I imagine, cause I ended up being one of the best players in there, which I guess wasn't really that much of an accomplishment, but it helped in winning a couple of games and made a decent run in the tournament.  Decent enough that the Principal congratulated us in front of everybody, and while everybody was on line, I was called to receive an award.  I had received some academic awards and also some awards for good behaviour, so I started walking to get it feeling normal until I felt something different was happening: I felt all the kids were truly recognizing me, felt the enthusiasm, saw it in their eyes! That was different! I think I almost smiled sincerely that time! Felt happy for a whole minute while receiving an applause, and then all of a sudden I remembered that I've always wanted to remain anonymous and my smile changed from a happy smile to a please-don't-hurt-me smile.  I just wanted to disappear.

But of course I coudln't disappear. To put it briefly, everybody was my friend, and some of the kids ("my friends") felt their realization in life was getting me a girlfriend.  I don't lie if I tell you that for me girls were just another group I wanted to avoid, I mean they were friendlier and behaved better but I still just wanted to avoid them.  After days and days of being asked whom I liked, of being told that this or that girl liked me, I eventually got tired of it, manned up and raised my voice to tell people to stop it! Of course that not only didn't work, but fueled the whole thing to the point where some big kids literally lifted and flew me to Jessika's side.  After a couple of glances in two seconds (I had barely seen her before, she was 1 year older than me), the crowd got impatient and I was pushed close enough toward her lips.  She seemed less pressured about it, but her friends were crazy so she managed to pucker me in the lips, and ran.  I have blurry memories of what happened after that, I just kind of remembered that once their goal was satisfied kids just moved their attention elsewhere, and I could be back to almost anonymous for the next couple of years.

During those two or three years everybody was waking up, I was a late grower, I was still super short and had no interest in girls.  The biggest kid at school, Eddie, started being my after school friend because he moved close to where I lived and her mom thought I was a good influence, and he dedicated every minute to discover how much innocence I had and to "teach me" about life.  He was the first to talk to me about sex, I was so disgusted I had nightmares.  And he was all about looking for girls, obsessed with them, he had already kissed as many as he could. I didn't really like him, complained to my Mom about him but she was friends with her Mom so I guess they grounded him for a few things he did to me, and he was back and actually tried to be nicer.  He was nicer indeed, but he was still totally obsessed with girls.  I wasn't, but I started noticing girls (after all he said to me!) and couldn't help but noticing that Jessika was indeed a very pretty girl, she had grown and was starting to get women features while I was probably the same except for 1 inch.  I guess Eddie noticed my interest for Jessika, and he worked his magic to show me where she lived, he was so extrovert that he was friends with Jessika's Mom, and he was also interested in Bella, Jessika's older sister.  Eddie was subtler this time, he had refined his manners, and I must admit he made a good job on getting Bella interested on him and I ended up with Jessika at the park, chatting while "the grown-ups" were kissing all the time.  Jessika was super pretty and very nice, she and I started talking and felt comfortable with it, so ended up having a good time.  We talked to each other a couple of more times while Bella and Eddie romanced.  I was glad to have a friend, I felt so good talking to her, but didn't imagine doing any of those "things" to her. 

Well, then it happened: she said she had to go back to her home, Bella gave her the keys and she told me I could walk with her.  Her house was beautiful, she actually invited me to her room, which I have to say was super nice, all clean, all polished, definitely different than a kid's room.  There, she held my hand and just kissed me.  That was the sweetest kiss, I still closed my eyes but I felt that the kiss was super long, super soft, her lips were SO soft, SO delicious, SO atractive.  I still didn't have the need to push my body against her or rub the bodies, so this was all about the lips, and then the hands and lips. I lost track of time, but I'd say we kissed for a long time, to me it looked like 1 hour but it was probably half of it.  I never imagined kisses were so good, and she was the perfect girl, the perfect teacher.  Everything was so natural, so calmed, so beautiful.  I was flying, happy, Eddie was upset cause he had a fight with Bella but I couldn't care less ... except that I had nobody to take me to Jessika's house. I physically felt no need to kiss her again, no rush, but of course wanted to repeat the beautiful experience.  I saw her at the park and we talked, I love to think that my first kiss lasted 3 years, it started back when the mob pushed me and it only finished 3 years later.  I didn't see her much, I think we weren't much of a good couple, she was far advanced than I was, I think of her more of a guide, of a star in my life, I was "a good kid". 

As I was saying, I didn't see her much after that.  She wasn't at my school, Eddie stopped frequenting me, and I never had the courage to go for her.  To me, she was so out of my league, I actually related to a song that was a hit around that time that talked about a girl being so far so far, so far as a star or something like that.  Elementary ended and Middle school started and I got along with girls very well, with girls and with boys.  I never missed Jessika, and I never knew what she though of me, what were her memories.  It was in High School, at a time when I finally had my first official girlfriend, that I learned that Jessika had died, very young, in an accident.  I was distracted with my own life and never really though so much about it. I now live far from where I used to be, but when I go back to my home town, I still call that park "Jessika's park", and when I hear that song I still think of her. 

Once upon a time

A friend that I met online yesterday told me to write a blog, so here I am.  I've lived through many fantasies that whenever I re-cap it's starting to get confusing, confusing but hopefully in an interesting way.

A very summarized overview of me would be: I'm a shy person that at some point discovered girls and liked them as friends, loved the feminine side, then liked girls, then liked girl's clothes, then had some men interested, then liked TVs, then liked girls, then liked men, then liked being a slave, then liked having a Mistress, then a Master, then ... whoa! I'm tired now hehehe.

I guess it's just easier to take it piece by piece, or as I say, tale by tale, so hopefully you like it that way too!