Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Men

For me, men are an acquired taste, I wasn't born into it. But here is the story, hopefully shorter than the previous posts.

It all started while I was waiting for a girlfriend at a public place.  I was dressed more "fashion" than usual, I still had a boyish look, and was a little bored when all of a sudden a friendly man on his late thirties approached me.  He said hello, and I was super shy, but replied back in a soft tone.  He invited me to walk to another part, I told him I couldn't, and he said he just needed to sit a few steps far.  I don't know why but I followed him, and when he sat he told me how sexy I was and showed me a huge erection he had, easily visible through his shorts.  I felt ashamed, he said it was OK, he wanted to invite me to his place that was near there.  I told him I couldn't and needed to go.  He told me to come back that night.  I kind of rushed away.

After my initial scare, eased by my view of him going out, I started to get confused.  How could he like me? I got angry.  I then calmed down and pretended that nothing happened.  My girlfriend finally arrived, I tried to be as normal as possible, but didn't want to tell her what happened.  It was something I think it could have changed our relationship, years later I thought it would have been for good.  But I was silent, try to focus on her, had a regular date, she was VERY forward that day and I felt uncomfortable, felt a little violated.  She couldn't understand, I guess I confused her, specially when it was getting late and instead of me insisting her NOT to go I was telling her it would be best if she go early that night.  She and I had a minor argument, and she went early.

I came back to the place I met this guy, by then I was super excited and wanted to know his place.  I had to walk probably around 20 mins, I felt so dirty, so vixen, wanting to please him.  I arrived and was very disappointed in not seeing him.  I felt sad when I had to go home with no new experiences.  I tried to forget and never again asked my girlfriend to meet at that place, but from time to time I'd go there and look for him.

Time passed, and I saw some porn and got curious about huge erections and please someone.  I was so eager to please, men so eager to be pleased.  I started looking for gay men, and found a very interesting one, a leader in the gay community. He wasn't pushy, he showed me his place and invited me to see some films.  I felt comfortable.  He and I talked a lot over the phone.  I liked him but knew nothing would happen.

I was on and off with girls, even started seeing some BDSM stuff, and one night I was so excited I called a University where I knew there was a gay group.  Somehow, they routed me to a security guard, and we talked.  We spent a lot of time over the phone, we liked each other, but when I finally asked to meet him he didn't show up.  I was disappointed.

I then forgot about it, until one day I went with some friends to a bar, and I saw this guy that showed me his erection.  I felt a lot of anger when I saw him, I was with my friends, they of course didn't know anything and I just was in a bad mood for a while.  Of course, later that day I was looking for him.  Unfortunately, I didn't see him in the bar.

Eventually, I met a Mistress online and she wanted me feminized.  I liked her, she was very beautiful, and I like the feminization part but mostly thought on having sex with a Domme.  As the relationship evolved, I truly started thinking on only pleasing her, she is in a superior level to me, and I just totally forgot about having sex with her.  She eventually guided me to a fantasy of hers, she told me she'd love to have me fucked by 2 or 3 rude men in front of her.  I pleased her by talking/chatting/writing about it so much until I started enjoying it.  I started enjoying thinking of me having sex with men.  She not only encouraged that, but we went through some sessions where she'd tell me to pick 2 male friends I've had in the past, and to think of them as boyfriends.  I fantasized a lot with them/about them.  She even went with me over some details on how to tell my girlfriends about it, how I'd feel.  I finally reached the point where I could get excited with pleasing any man she'd choose, by that time she had a serious relationship and her boyfriend would toy with me, and she also contacted me with a gay friend she has.

So I can now imagine having a serious relationship with men, mostly in the context of me being a submissive, and I sometimes enjoy thinking how that would work out.

Feminization

Warning: Long post, I'll try to make them smaller as my friend recommended, but this was almost already created.

  I've had several experiences with feminization, some very simple like my first time, some very sexy like when I stayed overnight with 2 t-girls, many by myself in a room.  But this time I want to talk to you about what I think was the most feminizing experience I've had.

It started in a funny way: I just wanted to talk to a TV, and this was before the Internet was that common, so I just read the newspaper and looked for TV shows.  At that time, in my city, there was an explosion of those shows, so I knew I could talk to somebody and have fun.  So I called a number using a feminine voice, and I talked to this guy, it ended up being a relatively young boy that was part of a show.   I asked him some things so we chatted for a while and had some fun.  I talked to him a couple of times, we had fun but I was starting to think it was getting old, when the next time I called somebody else answered: it was his sister! To abbreviate, over the next 2 weeks she and I were friends and her brother didn't care much about me.  She ended up inviting me to meet her in person.

I was super excited because I never went public about this, so I never gave any personal info, and agreed to meet her in a public place.  I told her I'd look like a man, a young and thin boyish.  She always referred to me as Khorina, her name is Meg.  So I was all nervous but since I've had lots of experiences going out with women I thought there shouldn't be any problem, so I guess it was mostly about the "blind" date.  When I arrived I couldn't believe my luck: she was GORGEOUS.  She reminds me of Nicole Kidman with curly hair. Beautiful face, body to die for, and a great smile.  So I was tempted to "perform" my boy role when she used my girl name, so I was disarmed.  All the time she treated me as a girl, she was of the touchy type, so we went out a couple of times, one of the funniest was when we were at the movies and she invited me to the bathroom!

At some point, she took me to her house, which ended up being actually her lover's house. She was a lover of a married man and he gave her this small but beautiful house.  She worked as an Administrative assistant, and she dressed in a very good way, a mix between professionalism but very feminine, but more on the traditional side than on the sexy side.  We had a good time at her house, by the way I quickly met her brother but he couldn't care less.  We went to her room, talked normal and girly stuff, had a good time and then, since her house was far from mine and I didn't have a car, I left early.

Next weekend she said she was going to be alone (her lover was going to be out of town) so she invited me to the movies.  By the way, she was always nice, she'd always pay me things. Had a great time, she was very relaxed, in jeans (I usually see her dressed differently) she told me we'd have dinner at her home, so there we went.  I realized we were alone and we went straight to her room, she said she was going to put on comfy clothes. As soon as we got into her room, she went to the bathroom (as she usually would do) and then she came out with her jeans unbuttoned, we were just talking about stuff, she was in front of her mirror and then she took her blouse off! Oh my gosh, she was VERY beautiful naked, very natural, she said "So you like what you see?" and I said "of course" and she said "this is what pays this house, so you can see but you can't touch".  She then told me she wanted me to use something sexy and feminine, I wasn't sure about it but she told me it was girls night, so she told me I was going to pick something from her brother's TV show.  This was a night of many firsts to me: first time I saw a girl pissing in the bathroom, she invited me to take a shower with her (no touching!), she showed me some of her clothes, some of the sexy ones she'd use for her lover, at some point I was actually sniffing her breasts/armpits to smell a very sexy lotion she put on.  The clothes of the TV show were mostly singer's dresses, I put on some for her, she actually helped me with some make-up, and we talked about feminine voice, make-up, walking, depilation, etc.  I forgot to say that I had a big erection while getting the shower so she told me to "mount" myself, basically hide my penis with the help of some panties.  She asked me to make dinner for her, she was topless and I ended up only having this sexy bikini and mounted, she said I was going to pay by making the dinner and by giving her a good foot massage, and that's what I did.  It was late so I ended up not going back to my home and stayed with her, we talked about sexual fantasies and she actually let me kiss her feet while I was kneeled, she let me sniff her boobies and armpits again, that lotion was simply addictive, and I slept at the couch on her room.  Morning was beautiful and by the time I left I couldn't believe my luck and the whole experience. I still have her image on my mind, she is SO feminine, so beautiful, and even tough I didn't touch her much I imagine her breasts were firm but soft, she's perfect.

The thing is, after that, things went down pretty quick: I talked to her but couldn't see because her lover was keeping her busy.  I called her the next afternoon from home (I'd call her sometimes from the campus), she didn't answer so I hung up.  To my surprise,she called me back.  I was scared, I always took care of my privacy and never gave her my number, but by then the Caller ID was available and she told me she got it that way.  She was VERY upset.  I couldn't understand why.  She was FURIOUS.  She told me that I had been calling her lover and telling him she was going out with someone.  I told her that I didn't, I didn't know his boyfriend, and I was actually very scared of him.  I tried to calm her down, but she was definitely in a crisis.  After some time, she started to become reasonable and believed me it was against all my interests to contact her lover.  But before going, she asked me by phone all of my data, where I worked and all my real data.  I was so scared, but couldn't upset her so I gave it to her.  I thought it was the end of my world, asked her to please trust that I didn't do anything.  She said she was going to verify the data.  I was all worried the next days, but never knew if she called at all or not.  Nobody at home, nor at work, told me anything.  After some days, I just tried to forget about her.  Some years later, I tried remembering her phone but I couldn't.  I'm hoping everything went well for her.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

First Kiss

Oh my gosh! I feel so naked typing this! It's like too intimate, more on the blushing side than on the sexy side, but I'll tell you about my first kiss, and I hope that it helps you remembering your own first kiss!

As I was telling you, I'm a shy person, so I was lucky to remain mostly anonymous through Primary School.  I say mostly because as much as I wanted to remain anonymous I also wanted to please my teachers and parents, so I was a good student, and that sometimes put everybody's eyes on you.  Besides that, I had few friends, mostly out of school, and I'd smile to everybody, tried to be friendly with every soul. But mostly I was happy being ignored.

That's until IT happend.  School received an invitation to a ball tournament, and even though I had barely played, they put me in the team.  It was a pretty bad team I imagine, cause I ended up being one of the best players in there, which I guess wasn't really that much of an accomplishment, but it helped in winning a couple of games and made a decent run in the tournament.  Decent enough that the Principal congratulated us in front of everybody, and while everybody was on line, I was called to receive an award.  I had received some academic awards and also some awards for good behaviour, so I started walking to get it feeling normal until I felt something different was happening: I felt all the kids were truly recognizing me, felt the enthusiasm, saw it in their eyes! That was different! I think I almost smiled sincerely that time! Felt happy for a whole minute while receiving an applause, and then all of a sudden I remembered that I've always wanted to remain anonymous and my smile changed from a happy smile to a please-don't-hurt-me smile.  I just wanted to disappear.

But of course I coudln't disappear. To put it briefly, everybody was my friend, and some of the kids ("my friends") felt their realization in life was getting me a girlfriend.  I don't lie if I tell you that for me girls were just another group I wanted to avoid, I mean they were friendlier and behaved better but I still just wanted to avoid them.  After days and days of being asked whom I liked, of being told that this or that girl liked me, I eventually got tired of it, manned up and raised my voice to tell people to stop it! Of course that not only didn't work, but fueled the whole thing to the point where some big kids literally lifted and flew me to Jessika's side.  After a couple of glances in two seconds (I had barely seen her before, she was 1 year older than me), the crowd got impatient and I was pushed close enough toward her lips.  She seemed less pressured about it, but her friends were crazy so she managed to pucker me in the lips, and ran.  I have blurry memories of what happened after that, I just kind of remembered that once their goal was satisfied kids just moved their attention elsewhere, and I could be back to almost anonymous for the next couple of years.

During those two or three years everybody was waking up, I was a late grower, I was still super short and had no interest in girls.  The biggest kid at school, Eddie, started being my after school friend because he moved close to where I lived and her mom thought I was a good influence, and he dedicated every minute to discover how much innocence I had and to "teach me" about life.  He was the first to talk to me about sex, I was so disgusted I had nightmares.  And he was all about looking for girls, obsessed with them, he had already kissed as many as he could. I didn't really like him, complained to my Mom about him but she was friends with her Mom so I guess they grounded him for a few things he did to me, and he was back and actually tried to be nicer.  He was nicer indeed, but he was still totally obsessed with girls.  I wasn't, but I started noticing girls (after all he said to me!) and couldn't help but noticing that Jessika was indeed a very pretty girl, she had grown and was starting to get women features while I was probably the same except for 1 inch.  I guess Eddie noticed my interest for Jessika, and he worked his magic to show me where she lived, he was so extrovert that he was friends with Jessika's Mom, and he was also interested in Bella, Jessika's older sister.  Eddie was subtler this time, he had refined his manners, and I must admit he made a good job on getting Bella interested on him and I ended up with Jessika at the park, chatting while "the grown-ups" were kissing all the time.  Jessika was super pretty and very nice, she and I started talking and felt comfortable with it, so ended up having a good time.  We talked to each other a couple of more times while Bella and Eddie romanced.  I was glad to have a friend, I felt so good talking to her, but didn't imagine doing any of those "things" to her. 

Well, then it happened: she said she had to go back to her home, Bella gave her the keys and she told me I could walk with her.  Her house was beautiful, she actually invited me to her room, which I have to say was super nice, all clean, all polished, definitely different than a kid's room.  There, she held my hand and just kissed me.  That was the sweetest kiss, I still closed my eyes but I felt that the kiss was super long, super soft, her lips were SO soft, SO delicious, SO atractive.  I still didn't have the need to push my body against her or rub the bodies, so this was all about the lips, and then the hands and lips. I lost track of time, but I'd say we kissed for a long time, to me it looked like 1 hour but it was probably half of it.  I never imagined kisses were so good, and she was the perfect girl, the perfect teacher.  Everything was so natural, so calmed, so beautiful.  I was flying, happy, Eddie was upset cause he had a fight with Bella but I couldn't care less ... except that I had nobody to take me to Jessika's house. I physically felt no need to kiss her again, no rush, but of course wanted to repeat the beautiful experience.  I saw her at the park and we talked, I love to think that my first kiss lasted 3 years, it started back when the mob pushed me and it only finished 3 years later.  I didn't see her much, I think we weren't much of a good couple, she was far advanced than I was, I think of her more of a guide, of a star in my life, I was "a good kid". 

As I was saying, I didn't see her much after that.  She wasn't at my school, Eddie stopped frequenting me, and I never had the courage to go for her.  To me, she was so out of my league, I actually related to a song that was a hit around that time that talked about a girl being so far so far, so far as a star or something like that.  Elementary ended and Middle school started and I got along with girls very well, with girls and with boys.  I never missed Jessika, and I never knew what she though of me, what were her memories.  It was in High School, at a time when I finally had my first official girlfriend, that I learned that Jessika had died, very young, in an accident.  I was distracted with my own life and never really though so much about it. I now live far from where I used to be, but when I go back to my home town, I still call that park "Jessika's park", and when I hear that song I still think of her. 

Once upon a time

A friend that I met online yesterday told me to write a blog, so here I am.  I've lived through many fantasies that whenever I re-cap it's starting to get confusing, confusing but hopefully in an interesting way.

A very summarized overview of me would be: I'm a shy person that at some point discovered girls and liked them as friends, loved the feminine side, then liked girls, then liked girl's clothes, then had some men interested, then liked TVs, then liked girls, then liked men, then liked being a slave, then liked having a Mistress, then a Master, then ... whoa! I'm tired now hehehe.

I guess it's just easier to take it piece by piece, or as I say, tale by tale, so hopefully you like it that way too!